It is not for nothing that Bollywood movies play up the role of a woman in distress and how most times, the man comes to her rescue. While this trend is changing in current times, what seems to have stuck is the ‘victim’ mindset of the woman, most often, the homemaker.
It is almost like we, women, are inherently able to play the victim’s role and in order to snap out of it, we have to fight an uphill battle with the world and most of all, with ourselves. We often find the woman in the house making statements like: ‘I need to do all this housework’, ‘Nobody listens to me’, ‘The least you can do is…’, ‘Maybe I should also start working and be out of the house all day’, etc.
Think about it. Many of these are self-created perceptions. Why do we believe that we need to do all the work in the house? Have we tried delegating or hiring additional help, truly believing that we are, really, the key decision makers as far as how we spend our time is concerned? Have we tried letting go of things that bother us to make space for things we want to do?
The worst victims, of course, are the modern day career women. Highly qualified, highly ambitious, wanting to do it all, not wanting to compromise, living amidst increasing stress levels, increasing body weight and oblivious to their unhealthy lifestyles. You might hear some of them saying things like ‘I think I should quit my job’ or ‘I really need to change my diet’ or ‘I am just going to go away for a few days’… but none of that ever really happens.
Whether someone listens to us or not and what someone should do or not do is really not in our control. Instead, if we focus on what is in our control, and share the actions taken after we have taken them, with statements like ‘I have started..,’or ‘I have given the responsibility of…to…’ things have a much better chance of changing. Instead of saying that you will start working, actually start working. Just get into something. Experience the change. Take action and don’t just talk about your intent of taking action. Find out what a different lifewould be like. Is that the life you want? If not, is there a middle path? What is that? Can you get someone to help you find that? If not friends and family, perhaps a coach?
When you have a surge of intent and find yourself wanting to do something about your situation, find someone who will help you get out of your situation. Imagine that the situation has changed and act accordingly. Believe that you have all the permissions and approvals you need and move forward. You will be surprised how everyone is left with no choice but to accept you chosen path.
This post is a reproduction of my weekly column written for The Goan (http://thegoan.net).