This post goes out to those of us who have had trouble in our relationships at some point. I am guessing that would include most of us, maybe all of us (if all of us reading this are humans, that is:)). I remember when I felt not so close to some people I was supposed to feel close to – you know that feeling..when a relationship just does not feel good enough? I reflect back and think about what I was thinking and feeling at that time. There is this feeling that suddenly creeps in – something in us which starts looking at things and how they are and people and how they should be but are not and a voice keeps saying to us – this is not good enough. And that’s when I realized, trouble began.
It is to prove this hypothesis right that we sometimes engage in fights or sometimes convince ourselves that there is someone else who is better suited to us or understands us better..only to realize, that it is untrue. The moment we start believing that something is not good enough, it ceases to be good enough for us and we look for ‘seemingly’ better things. Seemingly, because in the long run, we know they are not. I might be generalizing here a bit, but this does hold true in most cases where one has seen deterioration of relationships, not attributable to a specific cause.
Interestingly, I discovered, the converse is true too. And I think this really applies more to relationships where there is a formal bond – as in that of family. It may not apply to friends or acquaintances as we always think we have a way out with them. With family, well, we have who we have. We had better believe our family is good enough for us because guess what, we cannot replace our family. That could mean a husband, a wife, achild, a mother, a father, a sister, a brother..etc.
The other side of this is also relationships in which we do not feel good enough ourselves or are made to feel not good enough by others. (This might remind you of Transactional Analysis (for those of you who are not familiar with it and might be interested in learning more, try going through the book ‘I’m Ok, You’re Ok’ and you’ll know what I mean). Though I think TA focuses more on transactions and how conversations are eventually transactions, I am talking about our mindset and our feelings. That is what finally determines our happiness). We usually want out in such situations. We all want to feel that we are good enough for everyone else around us – and there is nothing wrong with that – it is human to feel that way. And we should.
Choose to believe that the people in your family and who you really cared about once, are good enough. There are no true replacements, are there?