Good Enough

Good-enoughThis post goes out to those of us who have had trouble in our relationships at some point. I am guessing that would include most of us, maybe all of us (if all of us reading this are humans, that is:)). I remember when I felt not so close to some people I was supposed to feel close to – you know that feeling..when a relationship just does not feel good enough? I reflect back and think about what I was thinking and feeling at that time. There is this feeling that suddenly creeps in – something in us which starts looking at things and how they are and people and how they should be but are not and a voice keeps saying to us – this is not good enough. And that’s when I realized, trouble began.

It is to prove this hypothesis right that we sometimes engage in fights or sometimes convince ourselves that there is someone else who is better suited to us or understands us better..only to realize, that it is untrue. The moment we start believing that something is not good enough, it ceases to be good enough for us and we look for ‘seemingly’ better things. Seemingly, because in the long run, we know they are not. I might be generalizing here a bit, but this does hold true in most cases where one has seen deterioration of relationships, not attributable to a specific cause.

Interestingly, I discovered, the converse is true too. And I think this really applies more to relationships where there is a formal bond – as in that of family. It may not apply to friends or acquaintances as we always think we have a way out with them. With family, well, we have who we have. We had better believe our family is good enough for us because guess what, we cannot replace our family. That could mean a husband, a wife, achild, a mother, a father, a sister, a brother..etc.

The other side of this is also relationships in which we do not feel good enough ourselves or are made to feel not good enough by others. (This might remind you of Transactional Analysis (for those of you who are not familiar with it and might be interested in learning more, try going through the book ‘I’m Ok, You’re Ok’ and you’ll know what I mean). Though I think TA focuses more on transactions and how conversations are eventually transactions, I am talking about our mindset and our feelings. That is what finally determines our happiness). We usually want out in such situations. We all want to feel that we are good enough for everyone else around us – and there is nothing wrong with that – it is human to feel that way. And we should.

Choose to believe that the people in your family and who you really cared about once, are good enough. There are no true replacements, are there?

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Fountains of life

Screen-shot-2012-12-06-at-3.32.24-PMI remember one of my bosses in my previous organization, once introduced our team to a new way of being – I remember we all got a team picture with a message – ‘be a fountain of positive energy’. He now runs his own consulting organization and does what he loves to do.

Like him, there have been many people who have come into our lives, with a message. It is up to us to acknowledge the message, to accept the transient nature of their being in our lives and to then move on to discovering the meaning of those messages.

One of the key discoveries I have made in my life is that we have many fountains which are the ‘source’ in our lives. There has to be a source for us to draw from in order for us to become a source in turn.

The thing to note is that many times, we take our sources for granted and often do not acknowledge the fact that these are, in fact, helping us sustain our sense of balance in life. A friend could be a source of fun, a child could be a source of fulfillment, a peer could be a source of comfort, a family member or someone else could be a source of inspiration. Ever wonder who your sources are? And what might happen if they cease to be your sources?

Ever wonder why we inexplicably are sometimes drawn to some people? It is a way of the universe indicating a void in our set of sources. It is an unconscious attempt by us to assess if the void can somehow be filled so that we can then draw from that source.

To begin with, however, awareness is important. In order to live a fulfilled life, it is important to acknowledge people for the value they bring to our lives. If someone we love, considers someone else their fountain of life, we have little choice but to acknowledge that source as our source too.

Think about relationships. Does it then, make any sense to not acknowledge the friends of your friends or the parents of your loved ones? You many choose not to but they will remain the source for the people who are your fountains of life.

Choose to acknowledge the fountains of your life. They are the reason you are you.