Right now, I am listening to songs on the radio on my phone and I am loving it! I have always been a music person yet have really been laid back about making the effort to listen to the songs I like. Perhaps I have the same syndrome as many other moms out there – my needs come last. As a result, guess what – we are irritable, sometimes frustrated, unfulfilled and many other things only we would know and never want to publicly acknowledge.
At three and a half, my daughter has learnt the art of diffusion. She is a fun loving, happy child and would do anything to make others around her happy, especially me. So, she has resorted to making funny faces whenever she sees me angry and tries different ones till such time we both burst out laughing and the situation is diffused. They don’t say child is the father of man for nothing. This is just one of the things I am learning from her.
Come to think of it, most times, we tend to contribute to the creation of unpleasant situations – because of our stress, our worries, our tensions – more often, on account of things which are beyond our control.
The question is – what would it take for us to choose to be a diffuser instead? You see a situation – you add your point of view, make it dense, more intense. How about diffusion instead – lighten things up around you. Just let it go. Such a happier place the world can be! Try it – music, funny faces, anything goes! 🙂
This post goes out to all the people out there who push themselves everyday to get out of bed and to do things which they truly find hateful. I have certainly been one of them at some point.
Things we hate doing could include – ‘going to work’ where just the commute is maddening and completely draining or ‘being at work’ – surrounded by a bunch of people who really don’t seem to make much sense in general (that’s what we think, it does not necessarily mean they are incapable of making sense :)), or perhaps ‘managing a business that seems to be going down the drain’ or ‘managing a house which seems to be falling apart’ due to a zillion pending things or ‘changing a baby’s diapers and feeding a baby’ (those of you who might disagree or say that you love doing this day in and day out, well..please do share your secrets with all other mothers :)) or ‘cooking meals’ all day long!
We do sometimes, find ourselves thinking at the end of each day – is this who I really I am? Is this why I studied xyz? Is this what I thought my dream life would be? Well..guess what…this is the life you have chosen for yourself. Think about it – taking up an offer, working with a company, choosing a role, having a baby – you had a choice each time. It is hence, important, to accept the choices we have made and to find ways to make them work.
So how can you make your commute to work exciting? You know best actually – do a car pool…find a person to talk to and save fuel maybe; listen to some audio casts which are about things you are really passionate about; listen to your favorite songs maybe (which means download them and remember to play them:)) or think of something else which makes you happy, which you can do without compromising on road safety, that is. Come to think about it, you can make anything exciting – you just need to be a bit creative or ask a few folks you know – what would you do to have fun while…get some fresh ideas – it helps.
The point is, each day, we have a choice. You live each day only once. So what can you do differently, with the day I have, to make it work for you and to be happy? How can you bring fun and relaxation into the activities which you find irritating yet are critical to do?
Choose to have fun while you work. You know you have to do it anyways. Might as well have some fun while you are at it!
Relationships are one of the world’s most challenging experiences. I think a relationship is an experience because I find it odd that a relationship can be a label. How can something so dynamic, so ever changing, have a static name? How can you say someone is a friend when you have not been in touch with a person for so many years? How can a person be a stranger when a person has just connected you with your inner most feelings? It is like reporting an average. We have so many interactions in general, which are of this nature, hence, by the law of averages, we have this relationship. Well, this is what we have been taught so this is what we follow. In reality, every person in our lives holds a meaning, has a message for us. It is up to us to make the time to unravel the message and to absorb it or to let it float in the universe.
I have often found myself at a juncture with every relationship I have been in, when I have had to make a choice. There have been times (many times) when I have thought – this is just not working! When I was much younger and much less wise, I remember choosing the ‘can’t.’ Not working, cannot sustain, let go. It was the easiest thing to do! And I let go of so many people, so many relationships, just like that.
It is easy, isn’t it? Just give up. What is always tougher is thinking of new possibilities and sustaining relationships. Over time, I have realized the value of people and relationships. There are, of course, people who matter and people who don’t. For those who matter, who have ever mattered, I would argue, we owe it to them and to ourselves to make some time to think of ‘what can be’. If things cannot work out the way they are today, think about ‘what can’ work and make it work.
I don’t think it takes creative genius to make relationships work. Sometimes the trick is in just letting things be and letting them evolve. What can be, will soon present itself to you. Sometimes, however, it is a matter of making a choice – I just have to make this work, I want to make this work.
Choose what can be.
This goes out to all women I know:
to those who are single and drive themselves crazy by working more than so many other people I know; to those who are married and have adopted the lives of their new families and moulded themselves to fit into a completely new set up; to those who are single moms and continue to hold the fort everyday, better than so many others I know; to those who are unable to have children for reasons known only to the universe and deal with the trauma of that everyday; to those who gave up their work to be at home with the ones who needed them; to those who have given up their comfortable lives for serving the larger cause of the society and to so many other wonderful I know.
There is one thing which all of you should know – you are the best! For being who you are, despite what you have been through, for hanging in there, despite where you would rather be, for being the one to hold fort when so many others around you would have crashed.
You are my hero so I hope you are your hero too. You are the best! Know that you are! 🙂
Wish you all a very Happy International Womens’ Day!
I love the concept of colors, the fact that they enhance the differences – the fact that they make us think about our likes and dislikes, the fact that they draw us towards them and hold a meaning for us which is sometimes not known to us.
As India prepares to celebrate the festival of colors, Holi, tomorrow on 8-March (on the International Women’s Day this time), I think of some of my favorite songs which have always held an attraction for me – ‘Red, red, wine’, ‘Black Velvet’, ‘…..he promised to buy me a pair of blue ribbons (can’t remember the entire song)’, ‘Over the rainbow’ and so many more.
People who know me well know that I am not a big fan of the festival per se, but well, I love the colors, by themselves and what one can do with them.
I think about the post I wrote recently ‘My Life Designer’ and I think about what colors my life would have if it were a painting. Would it be a bold background, with a faint picture which fails to provide clarity to anyone looking at it or would it be a white background with a very clear, bright picture representing a scene from the life I would want to have. Ever thought about it? Painting a scene from the life you want to lead? I did a virtual pin (Pinterest did not exist then) a few years ago – a memory etched in my mind from a beach I visited in Sydney – it is a scene from the life I know I want to have someday. I think about it sometimes and it inspires me to move ahead, even when life seems to stand still.
Choose to paint your ‘I want this life’ scene. Be a source of inspiration to yourself.
To those from India, Happy Holi!